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Whole People

coaching, counselling and training in Worthing (UK) and online with Pat Spink

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relationships

Hello! Will we ever shake hands again?

When we went into lockdown we all stopped doing this – some of us had stopped even before that.

It’s something we have tended to do here in the UK – in business and socially.

Maybe it’s a generational thing (I’m in my 60s) and perhaps it’s also more prevalent amongst men than women – although, in my experience, lots of women (in a work context, at least) used to shake hands, too.

A handshake seems like a small gesture, but maybe it represents quite a lot? Continue reading “Hello! Will we ever shake hands again?”

We’re NOT all in the same boat…

I heard a great quote yesterday – not sure who said it first but it was along these lines re the current pandemic:

“We’re NOT all in the same boat,

we’re all in the same storm,

but in different boats.

Some are relaxing in luxury yachts,

others are in rickety old rust buckets, letting in water, having to bail it out

and, of course, everything in between …”

The truth of this really struck me in terms of how differently we’re each experiencing this current situation. Continue reading “We’re NOT all in the same boat…”

Today is World Introvert Day

This is from an internet search I did yesterday:

It’s my experience that the (Western) world has been shaped mostly by extraverts and that, consequently, those of us who identify more with the traits of introversion, or are on the cusp between the two (ambiverts), can find it a tough place to navigate at times.

In her book ‘Quiet‘ (which I love), Susan Cain talks about the different levels of stimulation required, and able to be tolerated, by introverts and extraverts and the ‘extrovert ideal’. She quotes William White:

“Society is itself an education in the extrovert values,

and rarely has there been a society that has preached them so hard.

No man is an island, but how John Donne would writhe to hear how often, 

and for what reasons,

the thought is so tiresomely repeated.” Continue reading “Today is World Introvert Day”

Sticks and stones – and the power of words…

I’m thinking today about this old adage which used to be chanted by children in the playground:

“Sticks and stones may break my bones

but words will never hurt me.”

I know differently now, of course – unkind words can really hurt a person.

And, by the same token, that a kind word or two can be really healing, too. Continue reading “Sticks and stones – and the power of words…”

Black Friday Blues?

What did you do yesterday?black-friday-2901754_1920

Now known internationally as ‘Black Friday’.

Were you out at the shops searching for bargains?

Surfing the web?

Suck(er)ed into buying something you didn’t want or need by a carefully-targeted and tempting enticement from a previously-visited or a favourite website?

Are you experiencing ‘buyer’s remorse’ about any of your purchases?

Whilst the timing of this message is targeted towards those of us who celebrate, mark or ‘suffer’ Christmas as we know it today, it is part of the much wider movement that asks us to each reflect on our consumerism overall and its effect on not only the environment, but also on our own personal finances and happiness – and how what we do affects other people, too.

Whatever you did or didn’t do yesterday, we all have the choice today to do something different(ly) in the run up to Christmas this year, and from hereon in… Continue reading “Black Friday Blues?”

I’m so happy for you… (or am I?!)

Why is it sometimes so hard for us to feel genuinely happy for other people in our lives when they achieve success or something really lovely or lucky happens for them?

Do we smile, but through gritted teeth?

adult-attraction-background-1322157 (1).jpgHow do we feel when we look at this photo, for example?

Do we smile along with the person in it?

Or think she might be showing off?

Or wonder if she wants to ‘rub it in’ that she can afford the money and the time to be where she is, having fun, and we can’t?

In my experience, envy or jealousy doesn’t happen every time – but sometimes it does…

And what does it say about us if we feel a twinge?

Does that mean that we’re a bad person?

Or does it just mean that we’re human? Continue reading “I’m so happy for you… (or am I?!)”

Conversations About Cancer

I wrote about how we talk about cancer previously in my blog: She died after losing her battle with cancer…

conversation-1262311_1280.pngAnd I see it’s been in the news again recently.

Evidence suggests that the words we use can land very differently with different people.

Some people find words such as ‘fight’, ‘struggle’, ‘warrior’ and ‘battle’ motivating, whilst for others they will have precisely the opposite effect. Continue reading “Conversations About Cancer”

Tibetan Wisdom

 

To kick off the New Year with some reflection.

From an unknown original source, I think this list contains a lot of good sense and some food for thought:

buddha-1716251_1920

Continue reading “Tibetan Wisdom”

Why I Like Watching Christmas Movies

christmas films.png

If you’ve read any of my previous blogs relating to Christmas (such as Christmas Presents an Issue’ or ‘Something they want … or an IOU?’) you might be somewhat surprised at the title here.

I do struggle with the commercialisation, the social/emotional pressure to be with people with whom we might not choose to spend our time, to do things (in a way) that might not sit comfortably, for everything to be ‘perfect’, the false ‘bonhomie’, and so on….

So why do I enjoy watching Christmas films?

I think I’ve finally peeled away the layers and figured it out – and what I enjoy about them actually has little to do with Christmas as such… Continue reading “Why I Like Watching Christmas Movies”

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